The more I study the Bible,
the more I am convinced of how relevant it is to our life. In no way
do I find what God talks about being remote to the real issues of life.
I want to challenge you that as you go through life, keep going to your
Bible to see what God has to say about life. In doing so, you will discover
just how practical it is. We see this truth lived out in what Paul talks
about in this part of his letter.
As
we begin this part of Paul’s letter, we find Paul once again addressing
some of the issues of which there had been specific questions asked
of him. First, Paul answered the problem of the divisions that were
going on in the church. Then he talked about Christian’s living sexually
pure lives. Now he tackles the issues of marriage & singleness. The
situation in Corinth was not much different to the situation in the
CSRA. Marriages were just as much in trouble in Paul’s day as they are
in our day. There was a lot of confusion about whether or not one should
be single or get married.
Some
were advocating that being single is the ideal spiritual state. Some
people were going around saying that if you are married, then to live
as an ideal Christian you need to become celibate. To try to correct
the misunderstandings, Paul talks about God’s will concerning being
married vs. being single.
First,
Paul gives us God’s opinion on being single--v. 1. The word “good” means
“morally excellent.” It conveys the idea of that which is ideal. We
could say that from God’s perspective, it is ideal, it is excellent
that a man not touch a woman.
The
word “touch” is a very intimate term that was used exclusively for sexual
intercourse between a husband & a wife. So what Paul is saying is that
as far as God is concerned, it is okay to be single, even desirable.
This is a huge revelation even in today’s church. For far too many single
people are treated as if there is something wrong with them for being
single. Those of us who are married have got to quit treating singleness
as though it is a disease that needs to be cured.
Paul
says, there is nothing wrong with being single, in fact, there is a
lot right with being single. The reason for this is because those who
are single are able to serve God without the cares & responsibilities
which marriage brings. Paul shows us this in v. 32.
To
understand why God moved Paul to tell us that it is also okay to be
single, we need to understand that for a Jew, marriage was mandatory.
They didn’t view singleness as an acceptable state. Rather, they saw
a person who was single as being in a state of disobedience. For they
weren’t fulfilling God’s commandment to “Be fruitful and multiply.”
(Genesis
1:28)
But
the Gentiles had a different viewpoint about being single. They believed
that the only godly way to live was to be single. So you had 2 diametrically
opposite teachings going on in the church. The Gentile Christians were
saying stay single, while the Jew Christians were saying get married.
Therefore, Paul says that it is not more spiritual to be married. And
as far as God is concerned, it’s okay if you don’t get married. In fact,
there are some distinct advantages to being single.
Now
to this new revelation from God, God moves Paul to write the qualification
for being single--v.2. Paul is prescribing the cure for those who haven’t
been given the gift of celibacy. Considering the world in which we live
in today, a world that is obsessed with sex, and filled with sexual
images, God knows that sexual temptations are so strong, that if he
hasn’t given you the gift of celibacy, you will eventually given in
to them. Paul wants us to understand that to try to live the single
life, without having been given the gift of celibacy is to court disaster.
To prove this, just think what all has happened within the Roman Catholic
church over the past couple of years.
While
it is okay to be single for the sake of the kingdom, if you can’t successfully
stand against the sexual pressures of this world, get married. But please
don’t rush out and marry the first person that comes along. It would
be far better for you to be unhappy then to enter into a marriage with
someone who is not the person God wants you to marry, especially an
unbeliever. For if you do that, you will be marrying outside the Lord’s
will for you. And all that will do is cause you to be unhappy because
you are stuck are in a unhappy marriage.
So
if you are not content with being single, or if you find yourself struggling
with sexual desires, instead of giving into them, which will cause you
to ruin your life and your witness, go ahead and get married so you
can enjoy the legitimate outlet for your sexual desires. During the
pre-marital counseling I do with engaged couples, I remind them of the
necessity of staying sexually pure until they get married. I have discovered
that the longer the engagement, the harder this is for the couple to
do.
I
remember one wedding I did when the couple had been engaged for a long
time, and during their courtship they had remained sexually pure. After
she walked down the aisle and stood next to her soon-to-be husband,
she whispered, “Finally!”
And
I don’t think she was talking about the wedding ceremony finally happening.
I believe she was talking about finally getting to have sex with her
future husband. And there is nothing wrong with what was on her mind.
As a matter of fact, that was a very good thought for her to be thinking
about. Because as we will see, sex is a healthy sign of love in a marriage--v.3.
As
I said earlier, the problem that was going on in Corinth was that some
were going around trying to perpetuate a crazy idea that if you are
married then you need to become celibate. What they basically were saying
that is if you are married, you & your spouse ought to move into separate
bedrooms and to never have intercourse with each other. Paul says that
this teaching is the stupidest thing he has ever heard. As God’s spokesman,
Paul wants us to know that there is no place for celibacy in marriage.
It is just as wrong to be single and have intercourse as it is to be
married and not have intercourse.
Notice
that Paul doesn’t talk about rights, but about responsibilities. He
doesn’t say which spouse has the responsibility for maintaining a healthy
sex life. Instead, he says that when it comes to maintaining a healthy
sex life, it is the responsibility of both partners. For the tense of
the verb “render/fulfill” is in the present tense. This indicates that
sexual intercourse is to be a habitual practice between a husband &
a wife, rather than a rare occurrence.
I
have had couples come and talk to me where one spouse says, “We hardly
ever have sex. He/she only wants to have sex 2 or 3 times a week.” And
the other spouse will say, “We have sex all the time. He/she wants to
have sex 2 or 3 times a week!"
Now
since Paul didn’t define how regularly you and your spouse should be
having sexual intercourse, neither am I. That is something you and your
spouse must work out. All I’m going to say is that there is no right
amount of intercourse. How you work the frequency of having intercourse
in your marriage is a matter both of you should pray about, and discuss
with each other. But whatever the frequency you both agree upon, your
sex life ought to be on the level where it becomes a habit, not some
craving you give into every so often.
With
that thought in mind, an observation we can make from this verse is
that sex is good! I know that you don’t hear much of the subject of
sex talked about in churches. But it’s not because God is embarrassed
about talking about the subject of sex. Just read the Song of Solomon.
It is not an allegory of Jesus’ love for his bride, the church. It is
God’s sex manual for how to have a healthy sex life.
It
seems that only ones who are embarrassed to talk about sex is us Christians!
As long as you talk about sex in a clinical manner, no one seems to
mind. But the moment you start talking about the joy of sex, many Christians
get upset.
This
is sad because sex is for more than just a means of reproduction. While
we know that we must eat food to stay alive. How many of you enjoy eating?
In the same way, God has given us the gift of sex for a husband & wife
to enjoy. Sex is a good gift, because in the confines of marriage, it
brings nothing but intense pleasure.
And
it is the most intimate way a husband & wife can say they love each
other. The word intercourse means an exchange of ideas between 2 people.
The highest expression of love occurs when 2 people get naked before
each other and become one flesh through sexual intercourse. That is
why after God created the institution of marriage he moved Adam to say,
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to
his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” (Genesis
2:24) The phrase “one flesh” indicates that sexual intercourse is
far more than just a physical encounter. He also created sex so that
when a husband and wife come together, there is also an emotional and
spiritual connection.
Next,
Paul uses a command to show us that sexual intercourse within marriage
is not an option--v.4-5. Whenever you describe your spouse, one term
I hope you use is that he/she is a great lover. While marriage is not
just for the purpose of sex, sex is a major part of being married. So
if you can’t say that your spouse is a great lover, than there is something
wrong in your marriage.
The
reason I say that is because marriage comes with an obligation. When
you agreed to get married, you gave up the exclusive right to yourself.
You allowed the other person to own you. And with this ownership comes
the obligation of making sure each other’s sexual desires are fulfilled.
This
doesn’t mean that the husband can demand to have sex with his wife whenever
he wants. But it also doesn’t mean that the wife can use the excuse
of being too tired to have sex. Neither does it give her the right,
if she’s mad, to withhold sex in order to punish her husband.
Not
only that, but just because you own your spouse, it doesn’t give you
the right to cause your spouse to do something sexually that violates
his/her conscious. God permits a lot when it comes to fulfilling our
sexual desires, for he says “Let marriage be held in honor among all,
and let the marriage bed be undefiled.” (Hebrews
13:4) But he doesn’t allow anything that would violate the purity
and sanctity of the marriage bed. Husbands and wives are only allowed
to do things in the marriage bed that are consistent with living a pure
life as Christians. The only way a marriage bed can become undefiled
is when you do something that is sinful, or causes your spouse to sin
by going against what they feel is wrong for them to do.
Sexual
intercourse is the very heart of the expression of love that God wants
a husband & wife to show each other. As I said earlier, when a man &
a wife have sex, they are telling each other in the most intimate terms
that they love each other. So when you wrongfully withhold sex from
your spouse, you are in essence telling them that you don’t love them.
Paul
explains to us the only time you are to abstain from sexual intercourse
witin your marriage. You don’t just go tell your spouse you’re not going
to have sex for awhile. Instead, first of all, it has to be agreed upon
by both parties. Secondly, it is only to happen for a limited time.
And finally, it is for a specific purpose: prayer. There may be times
when you and your spouse agree to spend the time you’d normally spend
having intercourse, praying together. Perhaps your children are rebelling
against God. If so, then perhaps you & your spouse ought to agree to
pray beside the bed instead of having sex in the bed.
Paul
says that the reason you are not to withhold sex is to not give Satan
an open opportunity to tempt you. If you withhold sex from your spouse,
you will cause your spouse to begin to have lustful thoughts about other
men or women. Which eventually will cause them to commit adultery. The
truth of the matter is that if you aren’t satisfying your spouse’s sexual
needs, their dissatisfaction will eventually lead them to seek someone
or something else to fulfill their sexual desires.
Before
we move on, I want to mention that what Paul is talking about here in
this passage is the ideal state of marriage. In an ideal marriage there
will be a normal frequency of sex. However, there may be reasons within
an ideal marriage when there isn’t a normal frequency of sex. This may
be due to emotional problems that may diminish a normal sex drive. Or
to physical problems that may be so severe that sex causes pain, or
has left one of the spouses impotent.
Of
course, there may be marriages that aren’t an ideal marriage. I’m talking
specifically about one in which one of the spouses is committing adultery.
In that case, I believe that sexual intercourse ought to be stopped
until the spouse quits cheating, and gets a medical check-up to insure
that they are free of any STDs. So if you meet any of these scenarios,
please don’t let Satan condemn you. For God knows what is going on,
and he understands. Any other reasons then these for not having a healthy
sex life is wrong.
I
have had couples tell me that the reason they aren’t having sex anymore
is because they they’ve lost that loving feeling. As Christians we are
not to live solely by our feelings. Sometimes I don’t feel like praying,
but I do it anyway. Sometimes I don’t feel like reading my Bible, but
I do it anyway. And when it comes to having a healthy sex life with
your spouse, just do it.
If
your waiting for a certain feeling, you will miss out on enjoying one
of the most pleasurable things God created. And you will end up destroying
your marriage. So even though it doesn’t sound very romantic, when it
comes to having a healthy sex life, just do it, even if you don’t feel
like doing it. And while you are doing it, ask God to give you the feelings
you need so you can enjoy the experience. If you will do this, I promise
you that your sex life will be radically changed.
Paul
concludes by revealing to us God’s answer to the question on whether
or not you should get married--v. 6-7. What Paul is talking about here
is something that God revealed to him that is not based upon any stated
commands or principles. The word permission means to know together.
Though
Paul can’t take you back to any previous verse to back up what he is
saying, he is telling us that God stands behind what he is saying. Through
a direct revelation from God, God lets Paul know that when it comes
to the question of which is better, married or being single, there is
no right answer. There is nothing stated anywhere is the Bible that
deals with what Paul is talking about here. What God reveals to Paul
is that you need to be in the center of God’s perfect will for your
life.
If
you are single, and you are happy, then you’re are within God’s perfect
will. But if you are unhappy being single, and you are struggling with
lust, get married. If you are married, you too are within God’s perfect
will. But if you are married, make sure your spouse is sexually satisfied.
God’s prefect will is if you are single, don’t live as though you were
married. And if you are married, don’t live as though you were single.
And
Paul knows what he talking about. While it is true that at this time
Paul was single, that wasn’t true all of his life. Paul would have had
to have been married. Paul tells us concerning himself that, “I was
a member of the Pharisees, who demand the strictest obedience to the
Jewish law.” (Philippians
3:5)
In
keeping every aspect of the Jewish law, since the rabbis had included
in their traditions that a person had to be married to be right with
God, Paul would have been married. Furthermore, Paul was a member of
the Sanhedrin court. We see this in the book of Acts where “Saul was
consenting unto Stephen’s death,” (Acts
8:1) and when “When the saints were put to death, Paul casted his
vote against them.” (Acts
26:10) The only way Paul could have voted for Stephen’s death, and
the arrest of the saints, was to have been part of the Sanhedrin. And
since you couldn’t be a member of the Sanhedrin court without being
married, Paul would have been married.
At
the time Paul wrote this letter, it appears that either his wife died,
or she left him when he became a Christian. And now he is single. So
who better to write about the joy of being both single and married?
Paul’s
bottom line is that marriage and singleness are both gifts from God-v.
7(b). Paul declares that being single, and being married, both are evidences
of God’s grace that can only be experienced & sustained by the power
of the Holy Spirit.
To
live as a single person, you need the infusing power of the Holy Spirit
to live a morally pure life that doesn’t violate any of his commands.
And this is the same only way you can live a morally pure married life
as well. It is only through God’s strength, and grace, and wisdom, that
you can live as God wants you to live within the parameters that God
has established.
Let
me say in conclusion that what we need to do instead of trying to say
that one life is better than the other, is to pray for each other. If
you are married, pray for those who are single so that they may continue
to live in such a way that bring honor & glory onto the name of Jesus.
Pray that if God hasn’t given them the gift of celibacy that they will
be able to do so until God brings their spouse to them
If
you are single, pray for those of us who are married. Satan loves to
attack marriages. He loves to see married people having sex with other
people so he bombards married people with all kinds of sexual temptations.
Please understand that it is just as hard to live a morally pure life
when you are married as it is when you are single. So pray for those
of us who are married that we too will live happily within the parameters
that God has established for sex.
Let’s
pray
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