Let me remind you once again
that what Paul is talking about in this chapter deals with God’s ideal
plan for marriage. Ideally, God never wants there to be any problems
in a marriage. That is why in his original design for marriage there
was no room for divorce.
Of course we have to keep in mind that God created the institution of
marriage when the world was perfect. When God brought Eve to be Adam’s
wife, there was no sin in the world. Therefore, it would have been no
problem for Adam & Eve to be husband & wife for life. And if they had
never sinned, we would still live in a perfect world where there would
never be any marital problems.
But because Adam & Eve did sin, and through their sin, sin has not only
become a part of our world, but has also affected every part of our
world. Therefore, God has had to add something he wishes he never had
to add to his institution of marriage: Divorce. We call what God has
had to add, concessions. And once again God gives us some concessions
to when a marriage isn’t working out. This time it is in regards to
a believer who is married to an unbeliever.
What we see in our text is God’s perspective on the marriage between
a saint & a sinner. Please understand that Paul is not suggesting that
a believer should marry a non-believer. In another letter Paul tells
us that this is an unacceptable practice. But it is interesting to note
that if a saint is married to a sinner, the sinner is the one who decides
whether or not the marriage is going to work out. The believer is not
given the option of divorce if the unbeliever wants to stay. This tells
me that God recognizes that even a marriage between a saint and a sinner
can honor him.
I find it very interesting how Paul begins verse 12. Don’t get hung
up on by thinking that this is merely Paul’s opinions about the subject.
Every word in the Bible is there because the authors were inspired by
the Holy Spirit to write them. What Paul wrote is just as important
as what Moses wrote, or what Jesus said.
What Paul means by these words is that this is an issue which Jesus
himself did not address. The instructions in verses 10 and 11 came directly
from the teaching of the Lord Jesus himself. But in vv. 12-16, Paul
wants us to know that he is not quoting anything Jesus said when he
was on the earth, or even anything God said in the Old Testament through
direct communication or through his prophets.
Instead, what Paul is telling us is that God has given him some further
revelation to the concept of divorce & remarriage to situations that
had never previously been a problem for any of his children. Under the
inspiration of the Holy Spirit, Paul is explaining what the saint’s
options are in order to correct the problem of being unequally yoked
in a marriage to a sinner. To explain their options, Paul offers two
case studies.
The first case deals with when the unbeliever is willing to stay married
to the believer--vv. 12(b)-13. The only option for a believer in this
case is to stay married. Paul makes this statement to correct the misunderstanding
that a believer could somehow become defiled by merely associating with
an unbeliever. There was a misconception that somehow the sins of a
sinner cause a righteous person to become sinful. This was something
that Jesus encountered throughout his public ministry.
One time “Levi invited Jesus and His disciples to be his dinner guests,
along with his fellow tax collectors and many other notorious sinners.
But when some of the teachers of religious law who were Pharisees saw
Him eating with people like that, they said to His disciples, ‘Why does
He eat with such scum?’ When Jesus heard it, He said to them, ‘Those
who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I
did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.’” (Mark
2:15-17)
Paul also tries to correct this misconception by pointing out that the
believer will sanctify the unbeliever--v. 14(a). This doesn’t mean that
God grants salvation to an unsaved person just because he/she is married
to a believer. Rather, what Paul is saying is that there are benefits
that an unsaved spouse enjoys just because he/she is married to a Christian
who is being blessed by God. If God protects the family from a serious
auto accident, the unsaved spouse also received God’s protection that
he graciously poured out upon the spouse who is his child. Or if God
financially blesses a saved spouse, the unsaved spouse will also enjoy
the benefits of those financial blessings as well.
Further more, if you are married to an unbeliever, you have the unique
opportunity to represent Jesus Christ in your home 24/7. While God never
advocates marriage as a means of evangelism, a godly spouse sure can
speak loudly to the reality of how Jesus Christ can change a person.
Your spouse may never set foot in the doors of this building, but you
can witness, in both word and deed, of the work Jesus Christ has done
in your heart. If your unsaved spouse wants the marriage to work, there
is a real chance that he/she will positively respond to the change Jesus
has made your life.
This is what happened between Carol & me. I got saved first. And at
first she was very skeptical about the reality of my conversion. She
had grown up with people who said they got saved, only to revert back
to their sinful ways a few weeks later.
But as she saw me continually seeking after the Lord, the Spirit started
to work on her heart. She thought she was saved because she got some
fire insurance when she was a child. But all that happened to her was
that she became a wet sinner. And as she saw how Jesus had changed me,
the Spirit convicted her that she wasn’t saved. And 3 months after I
got saved, Carol invited Jesus into her life as her Lord!
What I recommend you to do, if your spouse is willing to stay, is to
continually bring your spouse before the throne of God as you pray for
their salvation without ceasing! Pray that the Spirit will soften their
heart and open their eyes so they may see and hear what God has done
in your life since you put your faith in Jesus Christ. In fact, if your
spouse is currently saying “I don’t want to hear anymore about Jesus
!” then the best thing you can do is to pray for their salvation and
live a righteous life before them. To force the issue may actually drive
a deeper wedge between you two.
This doesn’t mean you should give up in sharing the gospel with your
spouse. It just means that you have to be more careful and wait for
an opportunity when he/she is open to listen. And while you are waiting
for those moments, you are never to lose heart because you have the
privilege of letting your light shine for Jesus Christ in your home.
Let me pause here to say that if you are a woman who is married to an
unbeliever, take to heart what Peter says: “Wives, be submissive to
your own husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they, without
a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives; by watching your pure,
godly behavior.” (1
Peter 3:1-2) And if you are a man who is married to an unbeliever,
make full use of Paul’s admonishment: “Husbands, love your wives, just
as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her. In the same
way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.
For a man is actually loving himself when he loves his wife.” (Ephesians
5:25 & 28)
God knows that a godly spouse who is filled with the Holy Spirit and
exudes the fruit of the Spirit, is hard not to love, even by an unbelieving
spouse. Of course, if you are self-righteous, always looking down your
nose at the ungodly habits of your spouse, you are not letting your
light sin. And more than likely you will cause them to want out of the
marriage, rather than causing them to want to be saved. I beg you to
please make sure your spouse experiences grace, not grief because you
are a Christian.
Notice also that Paul talks about the protection that a saved spouse
brings upon their children--v. 14(b). In those days, there was a great
concern about what would happen to the children when Jesus returned
at the rapture. Some teachers were teaching that since children were
born as sinners, that God held their sins against them. Therefore, if
the rapture occurred before they got saved, they would be left behind.
This of course is a major concern in our day as well.
Paul is debunking that myth. I take that what Paul is teaching is that
when the rapture occurs, your kids, that is those who are still little,
will go with you. This is a tremendous promise for those of you have
little kids that are not old enough to understand the truth of the gospel.
But this also reminds us of the need to make sure we live godly lives
in front of our kids that will make it easier for the Spirit to convict
your kids to give their heart to Jesus.
Paul knew that faith is easier caught than taught. He knows that the
believing parent has a great influence in their children’s decision
to receive Jesus Christ as their Lord. The Old Testament is full of
examples where godly parents raised godly kids.
While it is true that each child must make their own choice about following
Jesus Christ, it is also true that a parent plays a major role in the
decision their children make. More times than not, children whose parents
are Christians, will also become Christians. A good example of this
in the Bible is Timothy.
In the book of Acts, we see that “Paul and Silas went first to Derbe
and then on to Lystra. There they met Timothy, a young disciple whose
mother was a Jewish believer, but whose father was a Greek.” (Acts
16:1) Timothy was a mighty man of God, despite the fact that his
father wasn’t a Christian. But because Timothy’s mother was, she was
a positive influence on him giving his life to the lordship of Jesus
Christ.
We see this when Paul said to Timothy, “I know that you sincerely trust
the Lord, for you have the faith of your mother, Eunice, and your grandmother,
Lois.” (2
Timothy 1:5) Eunice took seriously the admonishment to “Train up
a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart
from it.” (Proverbs
22:6) The word child is the word used for little children. So the
time to start talking to your children about Jesus is when they are
little. This is what Eunice did, for Paul reminded Timothy “That from
childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make
you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus.” (2
Timothy 3:15)
Not only does the parents have a lot of influence upon their children
getting saved, but the Lord often uses children to reach their unsaved
parent. There’s nothing more powerful than when a child looks into the
eyes of their unsaved mom or dad and says, “Daddy, Mommy, I don’t want
you to die and go to hell. I want you to be in heaven with me forever.
Did you know that Jesus died so you can go there too?”
Paul next moves on to the second study, which is when the unbelieving
spouse is unwilling to remain in the marriage. Paul is talking about
what a saint is do when their spouse has said that they no longer want
anything more to do with them because he/she has become a Christian.
Paul’s advice is very different--v. 15(a). Paul is talking about when
the unbelieving spouse wants to leave because they are tired of their
spouse always going off to worship services. Or they want to leave because
they can no longer stand it when their spouse wants to pray before the
meals. Or they want to leave because they are sick & tired of seeing
their spouse always reading their Bible. Or they want to leave because
they have had enough of being married to a holy roller, so they say,
“Hasta la vista baby, I’m out of here!”
If the believer is abandoned by their unbelieving spouse, because they
can no longer stand being married to a born again Christian, then the
Christian spouse is under no obligation to try to block the divorce.
God says that in this instance, let the spouse leave. I would say that
you shouldn’t even try to fight the divorce.
I know that some people would argue against that because of Peter’s
promise that a person can be won over to the Lord by their spouse’s
pure lifestyle. While that promise sure gives one a ray of hope, it
is not an ironclad guarantee. A person’s free-will is still in play.
The only thing God can’t do is cause someone to love him who doesn’t
want to. And the longer people live in sin the more stubborn their heart
becomes to the conviction of the Holy Spirit. And if they really love
sinning, they will really begin to resent their spouse for no longer
participating with them in these kinds of activities.
To make matters worse, the more the spouse becomes likes the Lord the
more the unsaved spouse will be convicted of their sinfulness. And the
more they are convicted of their sins, the more they will want to flee
the source of their conviction: The Spirit living inside the believing
spouse. The reality of what Paul is saying is that it is possible that
the unbeliever who wants out of the marriage may never bow their knee
to Jesus Christ no matter how consistent the spouse is in living the
Christian life before them. So if the unbeliever makes the decision
to leave, the believer should let them go.
Then God also adds another statement that is extremely important. He
says that the Christian is then free to remarry--v. 15(b). I take this
to mean that they are no longer under the legal bounds set forth previously
by God concerning remarriage. Up to this point, God had only given 2
legitimate reasons a child of God could get remarried. The first is
if their spouse died. The second is if their spouse committed adultery.
But now, the Spirit has revealed to Paul a third reason. The third reason
is when the unbelieving spouse abandons their spouse, because of their
faith in Jesus Christ.
These are the people that Paul referred to in v. 8 as the unmarried.
When verse 15 occurs, just like when death or adultery occurs, then
verses 8 & 9 go into operation. My understanding of what the Bible teaches
in those verses is that in each of those situations, the innocent person
is free to remarry.
The reason God makes this concession is because he knows that it is
next to impossible for a marriage to work out when the unbeliever wants
to get out. God knows that if an unbeliever wants outs of the marriage
that the home life will be a war zone until he/she leaves. And fighting
disrupts the harmony and peace that God wants his people to enjoy in
his institution of marriage--v. 15(c).
But be careful here! This concession only applies to the marriage between
a saint & a sinner. If you both are saints, and you are not happy with
your spouse, that is not grounds for divorce. It just means you need
to learn how to have healthy fights.
But, if you are married to an unbeliever, make sure the fights are not
caused by the fact that your spouse now finds him/herself living with
a self-righteous Pharisee! The only way you can win your spouse to Jesus
Christ is when they see the purity and reverence of your life, not only
towards God, but also towards your spouse. While you can’t talk your
unbelieving spouse into the Kingdom, you may be able to love him/her
in. And that is how Paul concludes his discussion of a marriage between
a saint & a sinner.
Paul tells us that if you are living holy for God, and loving your spouse
like you are supposed to, then there is always the possibility that
they will get saved--v. 16. Even though it may take years, it is very
possible that the unbelieving spouse will give their heart to Jesus.
I know that if you are married to an unbeliever that you wish that your
spouse would saved sooner rather than later. I know that the longing
of your heart is that you want your spouse to enjoy the benefits of
knowing the Lord. And I know that your heart is breaking because you
have go to worship services and be involved in the various aspects of
church life alone.
From talking to people whose spouse isn’t saved, they have told me about
how lonely it is coming to church by themselves. They have told me about
how hard it is to raise children when their spouse doesn’t hold to the
same convictions they do. And they have told me about how difficult
it is to be submissive when their spouse wants then to do things that
go against their beliefs.
But as Paul reminds us here, don’t give up! For who knows when your
spouse will become a Christian. And even if it isn’t until their death
bed, all your efforts to live a godly life will be worth it. For despite
not being able to enjoy some of the benefits of both of you being a
Christian now, you both will be able to spend eternity together in the
Lord’s presence. And an eternity together is far more important than
the few years you have here on earth.
Let me finish by applauding those in this church who are married to
an unbeliever. You are doing a great job. Your children are active in
Sunday school and Youth Group. And you are growing in your faith in
Jesus Christ despite the lack of encouragement from your spouse.
Let me encourage you by saying that just because right now your spouse
is not sitting next to you, but the very fact that they are willing
to let you keep coming to church demonstrates that they see something
in your profession that is real. So even though he or she may not have
made a profession of faith yet, keep trusting God that in due time you
will experience true spiritual unity in your home.
Let’s
pray
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