In the 70’s, the
rock group, Three Dog Night, had a popular song that went, “One is the
loneliest number that you’ll ever see.” For some people that seems to
be true. These are people who aren’t happy unless they are in a relationship.
But not everyone is that way. Some people enjoy being alone. And that’s
OK. Because just as some people are natural extroverts and others introverts,
some are gifted for marriage and others for singleness.
The theme of chapter 7 is that each of us should celebrate the gift
God has given us. If God has given you the gift of singleness, the best
thing you can do is praise God because it is not only okay to be single,
it is also good. In fact, there are some remarkable benefits to the
single life that make one a lovely number, not a lonely number.
One of my goals today is to affirm the many single people of this fellowship.
I know you sometimes are made to feel like the proverbial fifth wheel.
So many of our activities and so much of our focus is on couples and
families that we sometimes unwittingly give the impression to the singles
that you aren’t even on our radar screen.
I want you to know that that’s not true. You actually are a very important
and essential part of our church family. If the truth be known, some
of our most faithful servants come from those of you who are unmarried.
So first of all, I want to apologize to the singles for the way, for
the most part, the church as made you feel. The church has been out
of balance in the area of being single. Unfortunately, the church has
put so much emphasis on getting married, that many singles want to get
married just because they don’t see themselves as complete without a
wedding ring. I want you to know that that’s not true. The most important
truth I see from this passage is that singleness, just like marriage,
is a blessing from God. In this portion of Scripture, Paul teaches that
being single is not only good, but when it comes to serving the Lord,
it is the preferred status.
So to those who are single, don’t apologize for your singleness. Don’t
feel as though you are not complete. Instead, celebrate your status!
As we will learn this morning, thank God for the advantages you have
that married people don’t have.
In today’s passage Paul repeats 3 times that the single life is a good
life. This is a pretty bold and counter-cultural thing for Paul to say.
For people got married very early in his culture. This hasn’t changed
much in most of the underdeveloped nations of the world, where the average
age for marriage is 11 years. However, in America it’s 26 years.
At first we may be proud of our statistics and conclude that our culture
must agree with Paul in valuing singleness, but the reason we have more
singles is very different from the reasons he honors. Many people in
America choose not to get married, simply because they don’t want to
assume the responsibilities of caring for another person. Or some don’t
want to share their income with another person. And, sadly, many people
don’t want to get married because they don’t want to share their bed
with the same person for the rest of their life.
Fortunately, these are not the reasons why Paul says a person ought
to stay single. Paul’s basis for elevating the single life to such a
high status is that the single life is desirable when it comes to serving
the Lord. In our text, Paul offers 4 advantages for the single life.
The first advantage is that singles are better able to cope with the
pressures of a hostile world--vv. 25-26.
The present crisis that Paul is talking about is very important to understanding
this passage. Apparently there were some unique pressures upon the Christians
in Corinth at the time this letter was written. Perhaps it was because
Nero had just become emperor of Rome, and his terrible persecutions
upon the Christians were just beginning.
The writer of Hebrews gives us some examples of what God’s people have
had to endure for their faith in Jesus Christ, when he wrote: “Women
received their dead raised to life again. And others were tortured,
not accepting deliverance, that they might obtain a better resurrection.
Still others had trial of mockings and scourgings, yes, and of chains
and imprisonment. They were stoned, they were sawn in two, were tempted,
were slain with the sword. They wandered about in sheepskins and goatskins,
being destitute, afflicted, tormented.” (Hebrews
11:35-37)
Pain is bad enough for ourselves, but it is unbearable when our spouse
or our children are suffering. And even though we Americans have enjoyed
living in a country where persecution is pretty much non-existent, I
believe that this will soon change. Let’s face it, we are already being
persecuted for believing that Jesus is the only way to heaven. The persecution
we face from this position is being branded as intolerant & narrow-minded.
And if the homosexual marriage movement becomes widespread, I believe
that speaking out against homosexuality will become a hate-crime, as
it currently is in Canada. Let me say that the term homosexual marriage
is an oxymoron. One of the purposes of marriage is to pro-create. And
this is something that 2 people of the same sex will never be able to
do. So based upon what the Bible has to say about the sin of homosexuality,
I would be willing to go to jail, and even die for preaching against
it.
Now you might say you can handle going to jail for being a Christian,
but how are you going to act when our public schools start punishing
your children for wanting to pray before they eat? Or for punishing
your children for wanting to wear a T-shirt that has a Christian slogan
on it? What are you going to do if they make it illegal in this country
to gather openly for corporate worship?
That is why it is so important for us to vote this election. Please
understand that we’re not to look to politics to save us. But the laws
our politicians pass sure can greatly affect the well-being of our lives.
So let’s tap into the voting process God ordained for our nation, and
let’s vote godly men & women in, and godless men & women out.
The second advantage is that singles experience fewer personal pressures--vv.
27-28. It is true that when two people are married they help carry each
other burdens. But it also true that the reason they have to help carry
each other problems is because the problems are multiplied and intensified.
In marriage two become one, but they are still two people with their
own likes and dislikes, their own characteristics, emotions, temperaments,
and wills. And since people are immature, self-centered, temperamental,
and domineering, conflicts are sure to happen. Just ask my wife!
Of course, Paul is not trying to bad-mouth marriage; but here he is
simply stating that marriage is not a blissful, wonderful life in which
2 people never experience any problems. In fact, it creates problems.
Marriage could best be described as an adjustment period which lasts
for the rest of your life. When you say, “I do,” you are not just agreeing
to marry the other person. What you are really saying is that you are
willing to make the necessary adjustments to your life that will ensure
that this will be a marriage that reflects God’s love. And that’s not
easy.
I know you’ve heard the statistics that say that married people live
longer than single people. It’s not true, it only seems longer. Husbands,
don’t nod your head in agreement if you don’t want to get in trouble
when you get home today! I was reading the other day that “Marriage
teaches you loyalty, forbearance, self-restraint and a lot of other
qualities you wouldn’t need if you’d stayed single.”
But seriously, marriage does bring with it a series of unique problems
in this life that single people don’t have to deal with. Married people
are now responsible for the well-being of their spouse. Add to that
the responsibility of raising children, and you can easily see that
marriage brings with it a huge amount of problems & surprises. I mention
this because I don’t want you single people to consider marriage as
an escape from trouble.
Let me stop and say that my heart goes out to the singles who desperately
want to be married. I know that your pain is very real. You may be sitting
here this morning thinking that there is nothing worse than being single.
That’s not true. What’s even worse than being single is being married
to the wrong person forever. That is why Paul says don’t seek to get
married, because marriage is not be the answer to your problems.
Far too many single Christians are doing exactly what Paul says not
to do: they are constantly seeking to get married. I know of Christians
who have left good Bible teaching churches to go to a liberal church
that has a huge single group. It is remarkable that way too many Christians
go to college for the same reason. Instead of seeking after a degree
that will enable them to earn a good living, they are only seeking after
a “Mrs.” degree. Some Christians even spend thousands of dollars more
a year just to send their child to a Christian college in the hopes
the will find a godly spouse. Paul says don’t do that.
Instead, seek the Lord and he will provide a godly spouse, if you have
been given the gift to be married. Don’t tune me out because you’ve
heard that a thousand times and you’re still single. Before you completely
dismiss this idea, I want to challenge you to make sure that you’ve
really given the Lord a chance to provide a mate for you.
Now this doesn’t mean that when you go home you will find that God has
produced out of thin air the perfect spouse. Rather it means that when
you finally acknowledge that you can’t find a mate, you will find God’s
strength to let him lead you to that perfect man or woman that God has
ordained to be your spouse. When you wrap yourself around God’s strength,
in other words, when you let God be God, you will discover that he can
fulfill the plans he has for your life, so much better than you can.
So if you are standing on Mt. Panic because you are still single, relax
because it’s not your job to find a spouse. Your job is to seek God
and let him provide everything you need to enjoy life. It that includes
a spouse, he will provide one for you. If he doesn’t, then praise him
for the fact that you will actually experience fewer personal pressures
than those who are married.
The third advantage is that singles are better prepared for the shortness
of time--vv. 29-31. Paul firmly believed Jesus Christ was going to return
in his own lifetime. The expectation of Christ’s imminent return caused
him to live every day as though it could be his last. While Paul is
not urging us to neglect our responsibilities, he is urging us to keep
things in their proper focus.
If I knew for sure that Jesus was going to return this year, I would
make some major changes in my life. I might sell my house and go into
full-time evangelistic work in some area of the world where the fields
are riper for harvest than they are here in Aiken. But imagine how that
would go over if I came home one afternoon and said, “Honey, I’m leaving
in the morning to go to the mission field. I know you don’t want to
go with me, but I’m going anyway. So I’ll see you in Heaven! But until
that time, you can go to Atlanta and live with your mom.” Not only wouldn’t
that go over big with Carol, it wouldn’t be right, nor would it be from
God.
When I got married I assumed some responsibilities which will affect
every decision I make for the rest of my life. I don’t have the right
to change jobs without consulting my wife. I don’t have the right to
buy high price tag items without first consulting with her. But if I
was single, I could do whatever God wanted, whenever God wanted.
Paul knew that all the time we spend on this earth is so tiny in comparison
to eternity. Therefore, his desire is that everyone would make themselves
completely available to serving the Lord. In light of Jesus’ soon coming,
Paul wants us to accomplish as much as we can before he returns.
And he knows that it is easier for a single person to handle the shortness
of time without being encumbered by the responsibilities that come when
one enters into a marriage relationship. Let me state that Paul is not
saying that it is wrong to be married. God expects you, if you are married,
to invest time in your spouse and in your children. It would be wrong
of you to invest all your time in serving the Lord and neglecting your
family.
But please don’t use marriage as an excuse for not serving the Lord.
While it may be harder for us to be devoted to the Lord while meeting
our family’s needs, marriage doesn’t excuse us from trying to serve
the Lord. Paul would never say that marriage is an excuse from serving
the Lord.
I tried it, and it won’t fly with God. Right after I got saved, I had
to go out of town to work. I hated leaving my family, but I loved the
free time I found myself with. During that time I was reading my Bible
3-5 hours a night, and memorizing huge portions of Scripture. And when
I came back home it seemed as though I had to struggle to find the time
to read my Bible 3-5 minutes a day, and I did well if I memorized 1
verse a week. And I didn’t dare volunteer to serve in any capacity in
the church because I had responsibilities as a husband and a father
to fulfill.
God gently rebuked me for this wrong kind of thinking. He reminded me
that while I might not have as much free time as I did when I was alone,
I was also wasting much of my free time. He showed me how to make use
of every free moment I had to invest in things that had eternal significance.
And he also showed me how important it was to model Jesus’ life to my
family, by my sacrificing of my time in order to be about my father’s
business. From that moment on, I have always been involved in some kind
of ministry. But, I have fought real hard to never let the ministry
come before my ministry to my family.
Having said that, let me also say that if you are single, then God expects
you to invest your time in serving him. Which brings us to the fourth
advantage Paul mentions: singles have fewer things to distract them
from devotion to Jesus Christ--vv. 32-35.
It wouldn’t be difficult to list a sizable number of great men and women
of God, who, as singles, illustrate this for us. I think of Elijah,
John the Baptist, and Paul himself, all who could never have done what
they did if they weren’t single. Let me challenge you singles to not
focus on getting married, but rather focus in on what God may have planned
for you.
Perhaps he is calling you to remain single for the sake of Jesus Christ.
If so, then embrace that calling and invest your time for the sake of
God’s kingdom. If you are single then you have less conflicts of interests
than married people do when it comes to serving the Lord more fully.
A conflict is whenever you want to do 2 or more things at the same time.
I fully understand the conflict that arises from wanting to do several
things for the Lord at the same time. For years, I was telling Carol
that I felt the Lord was calling me to go into full-time ministry. I
talked about this so much that Carol was worried that I might quit my
job and go full-time in the ministry any day. She wasn’t concerned about
my calling, but my timing. She knew that God was calling me to be a
pastor, but at that time we weren’t in the financial position we needed
to be.
So every time we talked about it, she reminded me to wait for God to
provide the way. And trust me, it wasn’t easy to listen to her wise,
godly counsel. But since I have learned that women are more sensitive
to accurately hearing God’s voice, I waited. During the time I waited,
God provided a huge amount of overtime. More than I had ever worked
in my life.
And that year the union had started a Christmas fund. So when I got
laid off from work, along with all the money I had made, and with the
extra money that was in the Christmas fund, we were able to pay off
all our debts. Not only were we now debt free, but our son finished
high school and didn’t want to go to college or tech school. So being
debt free, and not having to pay for my son’s further education, I was
able to go full-time serving the Lord while I was drawing unemployment.
And during that time the membership of our church increased enough so
there was enough funds to start to support me for the work I doing for
the Lord in this church.
Now if I’d been single, I could have gone into full-time ministry a
lot sooner. That’s because a single person can live on less money that
a married person can. As I said last week, just to raise a child from
the cradle to college graduation costs close to $300,000 per child.
And not many full-time Christian workers make that kind of money.
Finally, Paul finishes the topic of marriage and singleness with an
important emphasis: Singleness is okay, but if you marry, then you are
to only marry another Christian--vv. 36-40 . Paul starts off by addressing
a heresy that was prevalent in the first century church.
As we started off this chapter, I told you that some people were going
around saying that all sex, even in marriage, was sinful. Because of
this heresy, some fathers vowed that their children would never get
married. But when their children came of marriageable age, many of them
rebelled against their father’s promise to the Lord. Which of course
left their fathers in a quandary. Should they break the vow they made,
or should they enforce singleness on a child who may not have the gift
of celibacy? Paul’s answer is if your children want to get married,
let them! For it isn’t sinful to marry.
But on the other hand, if your children aren’t bummed out about not
being married, encourage them to stay single. Paul says that if your
children want to stay single, especially if they have been given the
gift of singleness, then affirm, accept, and respect their decision.
That may be hard for those of you parents who want grandkids or think
your son or daughter is weird because they aren’t dating. Paul’s message
to you is quit playing Cupid.
In the second case Paul talks to people who were previously married.
Aside from unrepentant sexual immorality and desertion by an unbeliever,
death is the only thing that frees a person for remarriage. But his
conclusion is one we all need to come to grips with.
Paul’s point is that a believer is to marry only another believer, whether
it’s a first marriage or a second. That means the potential marriage
partner must not merely be a professing Christian, but a possessing
Christian. He or she should not merely be one who goes to church but
one who has a personal relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
While no one can know what’s in another person’s heart, we are to be
fruit inspectors. So I don’t care how spiritual acting or how spiritual
sounding a person may be, if there is no fruit of the Spirit being manifested
in the person’s life, run as fast and far away from them as you can.
I have seen far too many people, who let their hormones blind their
eyes, marry a person who claimed to be a Christian, but who never demonstrated
any fruits of the Spirit. Those people are more miserable than they
were before they got married. The bottom line is it is better to break
off the relationship, endure the pain of a broken heart, and remain
friends, than it is to get married to an unbeliever and be miserable
for the rest of your life.
As I finish, I want to say that I believe Paul would encourage all of
us, single or married, to be devoted servants and to make our life verse,
“Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these
things will be added to you.” (Matthew
6:33)
Let’s
pray
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